Conor Rogers, Editor
Ideology: Moderate Republican | Writing from: New Jersey

A gay marriage supporter defends religion’s right to define marriage and express religious freedom.

Our civil rights and our freedom to worship as we so choose are priceless, uncompromising and eternal American values. These values, essential to the nation’s founding, have shaped the republic’s development countless times over and still occupy the front pages today.

Yet as same-sex marriage takes center stage in the so-called culture war, the nation finds the two ideals – civil equality for all, and the freedom to express one’s religious views – diametrically opposed as never before. When it comes to debates over same-sex marriage, religious passions and civil rights demands clash in a million-dollar, high stakes battle that seems to pit American values against one another.

A balance must be found between those who fight for the civil rights of marriage for all couples and those who seek to uphold traditional marriage in all levels of our society and government. Civil Unions, according to gay rights groups, do not work and are not equal, yet to expect all religious populations to embrace gay marriage is impossible and far fetched.

As a Christian, I’ve seen the state reach its hands far too deep into the religious expression of students in our schools, families in their town squares and even into our homes. As a supporter of marriage equality, I see, what is in my opinion, religion reaching too far into civil rights.

While understanding both arguments, I still find fault with each side of the marriage debate. Marriage equality advocates who wish to end “discrimination” by religions that do not allow gay marriage mistake a church or temple’s right to establish their own moral codes in regards to marriage for deliberate discrimination against same-sex couples. Similarly, traditional marriage advocates mistake the majority of equality advocates who seek civil unions or civil marriages recognized by the state as extremists planning an attack on marriage itself. Both of these ideas are false, and at best represent only a fringe of each group. Most Christians (or followers of any religion) do not hate gay people, and similarly most gay people and most gay marriage advocates do not hate the religious nor do they wish to take apart the meaning of marriage.

Though I believe same-sex couples deserve the exact same civil rights as their heterosexual counterparts, I hold that each religion has the absolute right to define marriage however it sees fit. This right cannot be infringed, edited or restricted, or else we risk compromising our nation’s cherished religious freedom. There is a constitutional right to marriage (see Loving v. Virginia) and the state must recognize marriage for all adults wishing to enter a relationship, but at the same time, each and every denomination religion and church should be allowed to set its own requirements for who get married, and even who can marry who.

Currently, the Catholic Church does not marry previously divorced individuals, some sects of Judaism do not permit marriage without conversion and some evangelical denominations require that husband and wife is of the same religion, yet others, like the Episcopalian church, have no such restrictions. I mention all these differences to point out that differences in the definition of marriage already exist around our nation. The Catholic Church does not marry divorced individuals, but city hall does. Sects of Judaism and Islam may not allow a woman to marry her husband should he not convert – but town hall will.

This very pattern is why, as a supporter of marriage equality, I find no reason, legal basis or reason to demand (as some LGBT advocates do) that religions must recognize gay marriage, or any form of state-imposed marriage at all. Recent same-sex marriage laws in Maine and New Hampshire reflect this view – every religious group in these New England states has the full right to refuse to marry whomever it so chooses and so it should be. Denying the civil rights of marriage to same-sex couples is unfair and wrong – but there is nothing right about forcing the religious to accept, condone or perform these marriages. To do so would only exacerbate the tensions that already exist.

Laws like those passed in Maine are the perfect balance, and indeed a uniquely American balance that separates what our religious groups are allowed to do with what our state is allowed to do. Same-sex marriage should be performed at city halls and courtrooms, but should they be performed at St. Mary’s? Leave that up to the church itself.